Feared
by julz314
Summary: Dean Winchester is known as a fearless hunter. But what happens to him after he meets up with an old friend he thought dead and life becomes his worst nightmares? Set right after Malleus Maleficarum 3.09
1. Chapter 1

Of all things Dean Winchester hunted, witches were always and would always be the one that he hated hunting the most. This one though had been just a bit more rough on him that he ever thought imaginable; he had just heard after all that his life simply could not be saved from hell, a one-way trip he would be getting on soon. Ruby had simply put it in facts that he was a lost case, and that no matter what would happen in the following months he could not be saved.

Dean waited outside his hotel room a few more minutes after the demon had disappeared. He needed time to take everything in, while he knew that he sure as hell could not tell Sam about his little meeting. Sam had faith, Dean knew that, and he never would try to take that from his brother. Lately Dean had seen him becoming more distant, and the soft sweet Sammy was slowly leaving to be replaced by hardcore, 'don't give a damn what I'm killing' Sam, so maybe that faith he kept of saving his brother what the only part he had left that kept him alive.

After minutes of thinking all sorts of crazy things Dean finally decided to get in and see what his brother was up to.

"Where have you been?" Sam asked as he packeted up the rest of his stuff in his bag pack.

Dean had to think for an answer, and fast before Sam could read him; something he could easily do now that they had been on the road together for so long. "Just went to the vending machine outside to get a soda."

Sam looked at his brother and could see that he was lying but said no more. "So I'm guessing that sleeping on a ripped off mattress isn't your idea of a good night of sleep, so I thought maybe we should get going to whatever is next on our list."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean looked down at some newspaper clippings on the small table to check out what his brother had found for their next gig. "What you got?"

"Mysterious deaths near Salt Lake City. I thought we could check them out see if it's our kind of stuff."

"And how do we know it is?" Dean was totally in on leaving right away, but with the night he just had, and the news about his deal being unbreakable, he would need more than just a maybe before going out in the middle of the night without even catching some sleep.

Sam zipped his bag shut and dropped it on the bed in front of him. "I don't know, Dean. Look, whatever is out there we should be checking it out, we always do."

"Yeah, but we just don't leave town in the middle of the night now do we? Last time we went on a chase in the middle of the night was..." Dean stopped a quick second. "Wait, are you having visions again?"

Sam looked at his brother like he was crazy. "No. Why would I need to have visions before we leave on a hunt? You're the one that's usually ready to go all Rambo on us as soon as you hear about a hunt and now you act all scared."

Sam had hit a weak spot, Dean knew it. Was he scared of living now that he knew he couldn't get help? Maybe he just wanted to live out the best he could until he had to go. Maybe he just wanted to take it easy until it was time, just make sure his little brother would be fine once he would be dead. He now lived in fear; fear that Sam would become what others had told him about, fear that it would be too late and that he never could save his brother like he had promised his father more than a year ago.

A cellphone rang and the boys both look at each other for a few seconds before Sam sighed. "It's yours, man."

Dean could see that Sam did not want to fight, and after tonight's revelation from Ruby Dean did not want to go there either. He took his phone from his right jean pocket and answered.

"Hello." He said, his eyes still on Sam.

"Dean..." It was a familiar voice, Dean knew it. It was a woman's voice, one he could never forget.

Dean was left speechless and felt his knees gave in as he sat on the bed behind him. How could this be? How could she still be alive?

"Dean, are you there?"

The oldest Winchester looked up at his brother, still holding his cellphone to his right ear. He wanted to say her name, but was afraid this was all a dream.

"Layla?"


	2. Chapter 2

_I needed to make a few adjustments, so whoever got the alerts for a new chapter sorry if you have received a few :P! I really enjoy this story so far and I really want it to be perfect so fingers crossed that you will enjoy it too!! :D_

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Dean could not believe it. His mouth had just spoke the name of the woman he thought dead for almost two years and still the voice that answered back was definately hers.

"Yeah Dean, it's me. How are you?"

She had said the words with the same soft way she had talked to him when they had met where Roy Legrange was healing people. How could Dean ever forget, he had been healed himself while some other guy had died for him. It had been the first time he had ever met a reaper himself, and the thought of the old man's face still gave him chills down his spine.

Dean chuckled before answering Layla's question. "I think I should be asking you that question myself."

"I'm fine." Dean could totally imagine Layla smiling on the other end. "I was just wondering if it was possible that we could meet eachother soon."

It must be a trap, the thought to himself. People calling him out of nowhere like that asking to hang out didn't just happened to Dean, well except when he would give out his phone number to a girl he would meet in a bar, but this was something far off.

"Where are you?" Dean had to ask, even if it was a trap. He just needed so see it to believe it, like anything else he'd ever haunted.

She gave him an address that ended up in a small town in Indiana and ended their conversation there.

"What's up?" Sam finally could ask.

"We're leaving. Right now."

When the boys finally got to the small town, Sam was asked to be dropped off in a hotel. He did wanted to see Layla and make sure that she wasn't some sort of shapeshifter or demon, but he also knew that if she was the real Layla that Dean would want some time with her. Dean could not agree more and knew that if something would go wrong that his little brother would be just a quick phone call away.

He drove the Impala down to the school zone where he saw that the address had brought him to the middle school. He sure as hell wasn't dressed up to go inside a school with small kids, so he decided to wait until all classes were done.

He finally got into the school and turned left at the first hallway he saw. He looked in every classroom door he past in front of before getting one where a woman was sitting at the teacher's desk. Her head was down as she was probably reading a book or was maybe marking some tests, but Dean decided to knock on the door.

Layla's eyes turned to the door and found Dean's. She smiled at him which made his heart skip a beat and she got up from her chair and went to the door to open it.

"Hey Layla." Dean could not help but smile back at her.

She gave him a small hug and invited him inside the classroom. "Hey. I never thought you'd be getting here that quick."

Dean took a seat on one of the front desks while Layla decided to stay up and got right in front of him.

"So, how did you get my phone number?" He couldn't help but ask.

"I asked Sam and he gave it to me." She took his hands and rubbed them with her thumbs as she looked back up at him. "I know this is weird, but I really wanted to see you. I wanted to call you months ago but always thought that you wouldn't never call me back."

"Because I was suppose to think you were dead?" He had meant it sarcastically, she knew that, but the words had hit her with brute force anyway. "How did you survive?"

She still had that genuine smile she had two years ago, which brought him strenght once more. "The tumor just disappeared one day. I don't know it's like I was suddenly cured."

There was a part missing from her story, but Dean had already gotten the proof that she wasn't a demon trying to get at him. No demons could ever have eyes that sparkled life and love as Layla's and he was so happy that she could finally live life normally.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Dean had millions of questions but knew they could wait. It was something she made him feel inside; something he had never felt. Like he could live life like a normal non-hunter just for a bit. As if there wasn't anymore deal at the end of this trip.

"We could go for a walk if you want?" She blushed and smiled at him again. How in the world could he say no to that? "There's a pizza place not far."

She took his left hand with her right, pulled him off the desk and they left the school. Dean had rushed himself to the place and hadn't even enjoy what awesome scenic view he had missed on. The Sun had already started out to set and walking on the boardwalk had been just like a dream. They got to the pizza place after talking about how their lives had been ever since they had met; she had gotten a new job as a teacher while he had to hide out the fact that he was hunting evil things, and just said that he and Sam were still traveling, trying to figure out what to do next.

They had the greatest time and for once Dean hadn't even thought about having urges; you know the type of things Dean Winchester would usually do. Instead he just had a normal but surely memorable day with a friend.

They sat in and ordered a piece and beer while they talked and laughed and enjoyed eachother's company.

"... so this kid comes in the class, doesn't even knock and sits in front. I ask him "What are you doing in here, this is not even your classroom." and he said "Yeah, well you're prettier than M. Johnson, so I'm staying in here even if it means I failed a year.". It was the most adorable thing ever!" She told Dean as they both laughed. Dean wasn't the guy who would usually enjoy these types of conversation, but he felt different with Layla.

He smiled at her while she took a sip of her beer. That woman had always given him a feeling that there was better things out there. When he was around her he didn't even feel like hunting anymore: He felt at home.

"So what are you-" Layla started as she felt a sudden pain in her head.

"Layla?" Dean dropped his glass in fear, got up and took Layla's shoulders into his hands. "Speak to me!"

"I'm... sorry..." She tried to go on but felt unconcious in Dean's arms.

Dean waited impatiently in the emergency room as minutes and hours went by. He was woken up by the doctor that had treated Layla. He was tall and dark and was wearing blue scrubs under his long lab coat.

"Dean?"

"Yeah? What's up doc?"

"It's about your friend."

Dean stood up to try to match up the doctor's height which he surprisingly didn't not accomplish. He had millions of butterflies running in his stomach and wasn't ready for what was coming next.

"I'm sorry, son. We were too late." The words echoed in Dean's head. He only had her back for a day...

"What happened to her?" Dean asked with a broken voice.

"It was a brain tumor. It wasn't operabable. Again, I'm sorry." The doctor left Dean alone in the room.

How could see lied about a thing like that? She had said that the tumor was gone? Dean suddenly had a dark thought about everything...

... had he brought the tumor back?


	3. Chapter 3

I already had this written up and thought why not upload it now and not make you wait? :)

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Dean woke up in sweats in what felt like the most comfiest bed he had ever slept in. He lied back instantly, starring at the ceiling as he realized that not only he was lying in the coolest bed, but that all the sheets and covers were white, which had brought a new morning sense to him since he had been used to old dark hotel room bed covers. He could see from the huge window on his right that it was sunny outside and it had smelled like a summer morning, feeling the light breeze coming in from the opened window.

He suddenly heard running footsteps and someone jumping on his bed then on him.

"Dad! Wake up!" Said a familiar voice.

He looked at his feet where Ben was still jumping. Ben, Lisa's kid, had just called him 'dad'? He looked to his left to find a wonderful smiling figure suddenly giving him butterflies everywhere in his body.

"Hey you." Said Lisa with her warm smile.

Dean had to take a breath. Where in the world was he? What had just happened to Layla? Was it all just a dream?

Ben stopped jumping and lied down between Dean and Lisa. "Mom! Dad! Come on! We got to get ready!"

Dean looked at the kid all confused. "Ready for what?"

"Dude! It's my first baseball game of the season!" Ben jumped off the bed and left the room running down the stairs.

"Dude." Lisa said to Dean, mocking her son. He turned his eyes on her. "It's his first game of the year. Please tell me you haven't forgot!"

Dean couldn't concentrate on what Lisa said. He had seen her not too long ago and it had seemed like another eight years. He hadn't told anyone, but he had missed her ever since he had left her house after hunting the changeling. The kiss she had given him was still hanging on his lips and the thought of her smile kept him going. He still was the player Dean Winchester had always been, but since that day where he had felt, for the first time in his life, like a he had some sort of family he felt like he could be so much more.

"Dean?" Lisa asked, worried.

It didn't matter how in the world he had ended up here. He liked it. He felt loved. He felt great, he thought as he got closer to Lisa and kissed her on the lips.

The weather was great as the little kids got ready to start out the baseball game. The stands were all full and everybody was cheering as the blue team started out in the field. Ben, who was on the red team, was second to go on bat and was already getting ready. He looked up to search for Dean and Lisa to whom he waved. Dean was already looking him go, and waved back. Once the wave broke Lisa took his hand with hers and kissed his.

"Do you know how perfect this is?" She said smiling.

Dean was living a fairy tale, he knew that. But everything felt so real; her touch was real, Ben smiling back at him was real. "You have no idea." He answered as he kissed her softly on the lips.

The first batter hit the ball on the second throw and had managed to get to the second base. Everyone on Dean's stand got up and cheered, and surprisingly so did Dean. Everyone sat down as Ben got ready for his turn.

The first two throws had been called "Ball" by the umpire as the spectators cheered louder. Ben took a quick second to look at Dean who showed him a thumb up and a smile. Ben smiled back and for a moment Dean could swear he had just seen the same smirk he always did. The pitcher threw the ball and Ben hit it as hard as he could. Everybody cheered up as Ben kept running and running. The ball had hit far enough in the left side of the field and Ben could feel the adrenaline pump up as he knew he could make it to home base if he would run fast enough. The first hitter was running fast but not fast enough Ben thought but yelled at him to keep it up and soon enough their team had already 2 points!

"That's my boy!" Yelled out Dean. That had to be the proudest moment of his life.

"I'm still hungry!"

Dean and Lisa had decided to bring the game's MVP out to celebrate after an amazing game. Dean could not believe how much that kid could eat, and still was amazed at how much Ben looked more and more like him everyday.

"Well, you can't eat up the whole restaurant. Others want to eat too you know?"

"Yeah, well they could always go somewhere else!" Ben looked up at Dean and smirked while his mother was getting up from her seat.

"Alright now boys, let's take this home." She took Dean's right hand and they left, Ben walking in front of them. They got to the Impala where Ben jumped right away in the back seat while Dean got to the passenger's side to open up Lisa's door.

"Madame." He said with a French mocking voice. He could see her blush in the dark which he thought was most adorable and kissed her.

They got back to Lisa's house - or was it his house? - and told Ben to get ready for bed. Dean was still holding on to Lisa's hand, fearing that letting it go would mean losing her again.

"Dean," Lisa started out, chuckling. "I'm gonna need my hand back."

He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. He brought his hands to her cheeks slowly rubbing them with his thumbs and she could totally feel the temperature of the room getting hotter fast.

"I love you." He told her as he brought his forehead onto hers. His eyes were closed. He needed to remember this moment for all of his life; he had to record it in his memory forever.

Lisa opened her eyes and looked at him. "I love you too, Dean Winchester."

He kissed her back for what seemed forever before getting her into his arms and brought her upstairs in their bedroom.

Days went by and everything seemed more and more real. He knew he would probably be here for a while and had even managed to find himself a new job at a garage nearby. He hadn't lost his skills thought, as he went once a while to a bar a few blocks away and managed to win a few poker games. He still had it, but knew that eventually he would have to give it up, like he had given up on hunting.

It had been a tough decision, and damn was he ever going to miss it. But the fact was that now he had Lisa and he had Ben. That's all he ever wanted and now he had it. A family wasn't so big to ask for, was it? So he had decided to leave everything behind; maybe this way was better, this way he wouldn't have a deal to think about.

Dean came home late that night since he had to towed a car from some tourists who had gotten stuck on the highway. He got his hand on the doorknob but someone on the other side opened it for him and jumped on him giving him the biggest hug he had ever got.

"I'm so glad you're here!" Lisa told him as she held some strange stick in her hand.

Dean got inside the house and she gave him the stick. He suddenly realized what it was and his heart stopped beating for a minute.

"Oh my... is that..?"

She smiled at him. "Yes... Dean, I'm pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

I know I don't write the longest chapters on earth, but I like them like that; another reason to write more !!:D

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"You're what?!"

Lisa pulled Dean into a bigger hug. "We're pregnant, Dean. We are going to have another child together!"

Dean pulled himself away from the hug. He had been Ben's real father all along? Why would she have lied about it when he had asked her the last time they had seen eachother? Did she said that because it was the thing he wanted to hear?

"Dean? Are you ok? I thought this is what you wanted."

Dean felt Lisa's eyes read his concerns in his. He couldn't worry her though: it was, after all, what he wanted the most. He could remember the day she had told him that Ben wasn't his kid. He had been disappointed to the fact and had told her how proud he would have been if he had been the father all along.

"Sorry, babe." He gave Lisa a small kiss on her lips. "I am happy, really."

Ben came from downstairs a few seconds later running to Dean. "Have you heard the news dad? I'm going to be a big brother!"

Something felt suddenly strange in Dean's mind. Like a thought wanted to get through but just couldn't. He could see something, or rather someone but his thoughts were changed as he got in the kitchen as saw that dinner had been ready and waiting for him.

That night before Dean got to bed he told Lisa he would be going out for a few hours. Lisa had been worried since she had told him the news but the did his best trying to assure her that everything was going to be fine.

"I'm just heading to the gas mart. I need a few things for the car. I promise I won't be long."

"But can't this wait until the morning?" She begged him but he left without answering.

The fact is everything was moving fast... too fast. Never in his life had he felt like he forget something. Maybe he was getting too old for this, he chuckled to himself at the thought. He got into his car, left the parking lot and drove out of town, about half an hour away, until he hit a small restaurant.

He got in and ordered a coffee and sat in the booth. The waitress, an old lady who had been real close to retirement, had given him an odd look when she saw that he had been wearing a leather jacket with at least another two layers of shirt under.

"Not a summer-type of guy, are ya?" She asked him as she placed a coffee cup on the table and pourred coffee in it.

He smiled back at her but didn't answer. She understood that he only came to the restaurant for peace and let him to his thoughts.

What was happening to him? First, he had met with Layla, and now this? He was afraid to admit it but he loved his new life, like somebody somewhere had given him a second chance to life. He was happy beyond his wildest dreams and never wanted to leave. The thought of having a kid – his kid – with Lisa had just been the icing on the cake. It didn't matter if it would be a son or a daughter, but he could now say out loud and with pride, that he would be a father and that Ben would be -

Dean dropped his coffee cup and brought his hands to his head who suddenly felt like there was an explosion inside of it. The waitress ran back to him and placed a hand on his left shoulder.

"Are you alright, son?" She asked him in panic.

For a quick moment Dean could not hear or see what was happening around him. The pain was sharp, and threaten him to get worst but suddenly snapped away. Dean took his hands off of his forehead and looked at the waitress who still had her hand on him. "What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know. You just started to freak out for some reason. If you want I have some pain relief pills out in the back."

"No, I'm fine, thank you." He got up and placed some money on the table. "Keep the change."

"But son, you shouldn't be driving if you get headaches like that one."

Dean looked back at the lady. "I'm fine, thanks." He got out of the restaurant and left to go back home.

Something hadn't felt right. Every time he wanted to think about a specific thing his head would just try to make him think of something else. The only trouble now was figuring out what in the world didn't his brain want him to think of.

He turned right on his street when he saw some flashing lights near by his house. Blue, red and white lights flashing all around the neighborhood, with people in pj's walking all around the street trying to see what was happening as an ambulance got through the jammed street and policemen trying to guide the cars through.

"Sir, we need you to turn around." Said one of the policemen as Dean got his window down.

"What is going on? I live right there." Dean pointed out his house where all of the commotion seemed to be happening.

"Are you Dean Winchester?" The policeman asked.

"Yeah, I am. What seems to be the problem here?" Dean stopped the car and got out. He needed to see what was going on, his heart racing faster than a F1 car in a Grand Prix. But his heart stopped as he saw two ambulance guy pulling out a stretcher from his house.

He ran faster than he could to find out what he didn't.

"Lisa?!" He panicked.

"Sir, she can't hear you." A policeman near by told him. "She's been critically wounded by a shot gun."

Dean could not believe his ears. He hadn't been gone half an hour, and he hadn't been there to protect the woman he loved.

"What about Ben?" He voice broke as he saw another stretcher coming out of the house with a black bag on it.

"We are sorry, sir, but he didn't make it."

"What the hell happened?!" Dean couldn't hold it in for much longer, he felt rage slowly getting a hold of him inside. He wanted to destroy whatever that had taken over his family.

"A robber got into your house, sir. We're not sure how everything happened yet, but you son was stabbed and your wife has been shot to the heart."

The ambulances left for the hospital, and before he could turn around to look at them leave, the policeman hit Dean on the shoulder and suddenly he felt numb and dropped on the ground.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean woke up from the cold air that had been hitting him like daggers. He took a few seconds to open his eyes and wasn't surprised that, unlike the last time he had been waking up by the light breeze of summer, this time had been the total opposite. He wiped away tears that had almost dried on his face and looked around. This surely wasn't the house he had waken up in a month ago. It took him just a few seconds to realize that he wasn't in a home at all; he was in a prison cell.

The cell hadn't even felt like a county sheriff office-type of cells. This one actually felt more like the solitary cell Deacon had put him in when he had gotten inside a prison to haunt a spirit over a year ago. He was alone alright, and the silence gave him chills that even the cold couldn't give him. He took a quick look at himself and saw that he had been wearing a prison uniform; bright orange top and bottom with tube socks and shoes that looked like grandma slippers.

Why in the world was he in a cell? He could suddenly imagine Secret Agent Henrickson fly in and celebrating his capture with a kid's birthday hat on his bald head... but how did he get caught in the first place? And for what reason? The last thing he remembered was getting home and seeing his family beaten to death. The thought of Lisa dying as she left to the hospital, somewhere she might not ever made it to ate him inside. He hadn't been there to protect them, the girl of his life, the kid he always took as his own, and the newest member of the family that had only been two or three weeks old.

His hands couldn't stop shaking and he felt tears coming back to his eyes as a loud 'bang' alerted him back to reality and wiped the warm tears away. A door opened and he heard footsteps coming in his way; high heels shoes. He suddenly saw in what seemed to be the only air hole he had the familiar face of a woman looking at him.

"Morning, Winchester."

Why the hell did he kept meeting with old faces? "Officer Ballard?"

"Sheriff Ballard, thank you very much." He could see that she wasn't lying as he saw that she was wearing the standard sheriff uniform.

"Well that is a surprise." He chuckled. He thought she wouldn't be holding him in there much long, seeing as he had saved her in Baltimore from her psycho boyfriend who turned out to be a murderer.

"I wouldn't be so happy to see me if I were you. Seems like you still don't get the picture here do ya son?"

Now she had been talking gibberish. What picture did he need to see?

"Tongue cut short, mister Winchester? I would be amazed to see that you don't have a comeback for me, or maybe does solitary has finally made a human out of yourself?" She had venom in her voice, Dean felt it as the assurance he had felt about her disappeared in a flash.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He had gotten to the door to see if she was alone or not, but could only see her. She got down to her knees and looked him right up in the eyes.

"Not making much progress here are we?" She got up again and started to walk around in a small circle and stopped after one lap. "Do you even know why you are here, Dean?"

Silence had answered Diana's question as she got back to looking at Dean. "I guess you're going to take a lifeline here? How does 'murder' sound to you?"

"What?!" Murder?! Why in the world who he have been arrested for murder?!

"Don't start with that crap again! You've been here for three months now and you are still denying what your friends and neighbors saw you do!"

Three months? How in the world could he forget three months of his life? But he had heard enough crap already. "I did not kill them!" He screamed to her the loudest he could.

Sheriff Ballard got up again and sighed. "Them? Who are you talking about, son?"

"Lisa and Ben! I didn't kill them. I got home and they were already dead."

"Who in the world are 'Lisa and Ben'? Kid don't try to get us all confused here for nothing. You know what you did and it's about damn time that you open your mouth and admit it!"

The sheriff was getting angrier at him, but Dean did not know why. He hadn't killed Lisa and Ben, then who in the world did he killed?

Silence grew thicker again as the sheriff waited for a sign from Dean. On the other side of the cell door Dean did the same. As he sat down, leaning on the wall thoughts exploded in his head. He wasn't crazy... was he? Who in the world could he have killed and had gotten him where he was today? He took a shot in; he had helped her a long time ago, maybe she could help him now, so he decided to go on his more quiet mode.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you are talking about." He said honestly. Ballard got to her knees one more time to take a longer look at him. She could swear he was telling the truth so she thought maybe she could help him out.

"Come on, Dean. Focus. We've been through this a million times already. Just tell me you remember."

Dean was getting angrier at himself for not knowing what was going on. He got back to his knee and looked straight at the woman on the other side. "I'm sorry, I can't."

Ballard sighed one more time before getting a piece of newspaper out from her front pocket of her jacket and handed it to Dean who unfolded it. "I hope this doesn't hurt as much as it did the first millionth times."

He hadn't know how he had felt those times, but reading out the piece of paper surely had hurt him a million times worst than he had ever felt in his life. He felt vomit coming to his mouth and tried his hardest not to gag in his cell as tears got to his eyes.

"I killed my father?"


	6. Chapter 6

Silence grew thicker as Dean looked down at the article Ballard had given him. Whatever had happened to his father as read on, he never thought he could do something that awful to a human being. After reading the first three paragraphs of the atrocity Dean took the paper and torned it to millions of pieces before his legs gave in and he sat on the cold cell floor.

"How could... I... I wouldn't never..." Dean didn't know what to say anymore. One moment he was the happiest guy on earth with a family and now everybody was gone? He had been in a prison for what was supposed to be three months without even remembering, and now, he had killed his father?

"Believe it or not son," started Ballard as Dean thought she wanted to be 'Mrs. Nice Cop' all of the sudden. "But you are the reason why your father is dead. You killed him, Dean, and now you have to face the facts once and for all."

She was serious about all of this. There was no way out either he knew that. He was screwed; this was the end.

"Once and for all?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Dean, you've been here for over three months now. I gave up count after the second week. It's just like you don't want to remember, Dean. Not just what you did to your father, but everything else important in your life too."

Dean was speechless. Did he really wanted to forget everything? Man, he didn't even remember the three months in jail, why would he remember anything else?

Ballard went on as Dean said no word. "Look, son. All I need to know is what is going on in that skull of yours. Just focus on your thoughts and tell me what you see in your mind."

Has their conversation turned into a therapy session? Dean turned to look into the door hole and saw that the sheriff had sat down and was looking at him. She slowly grinned at him. "Come on Dean, I ain't going anywhere until you tell me."

Dean sighed. He had to remember something. "I'm sorry, sheriff, but I don't think I can tell you what you truly want to hear."

"Then just tell me what you remember. Maybe those 'memories' of yours will trigger something."

Dean looked at her suspiciously. He was slowly going insane, he knew that much, but the way she had put emphasis on the word 'memory' had given him a bad feeling about all of this.

He focused on his last memory of Lisa and Ben. "The last thing I remember before getting in here was finding my family dead at my house."

"And by family, you mean Lisa and Ben, am I correct?"

"Yeah." He couldn't help himself but smile at the thought of Lisa. "You know, she had just told me she was pregnant... with my child."

"Congratulations." Ballard said as if she pretended to get along with the story.

Dean smiled again. That memory had been the happiest of his life. He couldn't care less if it was real or fake, but everything in it had been perfect, except for the whole murder ending.

"How long had you and Lisa been together?" Ballard went on.

He hadn't been too sure on that answer though. "More than a month for sure, but I don't know exactly how long."

"How's that?" She knew that the reason couldn't just be 'Well, I am man, I don't keep count'. Dean wasn't just a normal guy that sat on his couch watching the game every weekend with the guys, she knew that much.

Dean did not know how to answer this one without proving his insanity. "I just woke up in her bed one morning and there they were."

"What happened before you got in bed with Lisa?" She was getting into the story and knew she had to push Dean's mind in order to make it work, even if that meant letting the whole 'don't remember how I got there' gig.

"I've met with an old friend of mine, Layla Roarke." He suddenly felt a short pain in his head that brought his left hand to rub his temple.

"Are you alright, Dean?"

He took a few seconds to ease the pain. "Yeah, I guess I've never used my brain this much before." He chuckled.

"What did you do with Miss Roarke?" Ballard had almost sound like a robot, but Dean went on.

"She called me and asked me to go visit her for a while. Last time we had seen eachother she had a brain tumor and the doctor had told her that she only had six months to live."

"And how long has it been since you had first saw her?"

Dean had trouble remembering stuff, but his first conversation with Layla wasn't one he could ever forget. "Over two years."

The sheriff was impressed by the small miracle and gave in a smile. "So, anything else I should know before I leave, mister Winchester?"

Dean was shocked at the question. After all that talking, would he still have to stay in here? Dean tried his best to think of what had happened before meeting up with Layla but his head pain suddenly came back like daggers stabbing his skull. It was the same pain he had felt when he had tried to think of that something at the restaurant, the same pain he had felt when Ben had told him he was excited to be a big...

He left out a groaned before he could open his mouth and speak. "Brother..." Dean could feel his head burning as he tried his best to think about his brother. He got on his knees painfully as he got both his hands on his head now and yelled the word 'brother' louder that he had ever did before. Tears ran off his cheeks while the pain was too much to bear. He kept screaming as he saw the door of his cell open for two large men to get in and hold him laying on his back as sheriff Ballard gave him drugs to help him calm down. It took a few seconds for any effects to appear after Dean slowly fell unconscious on the floor, warm tears still flowing down from his eyes while he whispered a name over and over with all the strength he had left.

"Sam."


	7. Chapter 7

So I took in a few days to get into the spirit of season four and I have to say : YAY!! But now while we wait for 4.02, how about a little reading quality time?! :P Enjoy!

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When Dean woke up this time he felt like he was really going mental. Not because he had once again wake up in a different environment from the previous day; but because he had woke up in a white rubber room.

He layed down in one corner end of the room, wearing white scrubs pants and a white v-neck t-shirt; not his usual wear but at least he wasn't naked, he thought to himself. He tried opening his eyes but the brightness of the room felt like burning them so he kept them opened slightly instead until he could finally see clear. He slowly got up to his feet, looking around the small cube-like room for any signs of a door but with no luck.

The silence was killing him, his breathing being the only thing his ears could hear. He had never felt this isolated in his life, even after being in jail or in solitary. This place had such a different vibe from anywhere else he had ever been in his life, and the thought of being in here forever had already been worrying him.

Dean inspected the room one more time. He had to have come inside somehow, and he intended to find the way out. Then the thought came into his mind: why in the world was he in here in the first place?

"You won't be able to find an exit, if this is what you are looking for." Said an unknown voice behind Dean.

The statement made him jumped and turn around. He had already looked around without seeing anybody, and suddenly a young girl was lying down on her back on the other side of the room. Her head tilted to the left and gave Dean an unsurprised look.

She had long wavy black hair with sparkling sky blue eyes, an eye color Dean had never seen in his life. It was magical and somewhat hypnotic. Though she seemed to be in her early twenties her wonderful features gave her a few years younger. Dean was amazed by the face he was starring at, and it even had taken him a moment to realized that the girl had seemed to be naked under the white sheet she had over her body.

Dean didn't answer back. Not that he did not want to but because he was astonished by what he was seeing. Something was also wrong as he had never seen this girl before and was now wondering why she was with him now: he had been with Layla, Lisa and even with Detective Ballard from Baltimore, and things had been different because he knew those woman.

The girl slowly got up, adjusting her white bed sheet around herself and took a few steps towards Dean.

"Dean Winchester, finally we meet." She was standing a few inches away from him but had been close enough to place her right hand on his left cheek, her other hand holding on her white sheet.

"Who are you?" Dean asked. He felt his body relax at the touch of the girl.

The girl slided her hand away from Dean's face, placed her right index finger on her lower lip and looked up, as if the answer was hiding in the back of her head. "Well, I'm not your enemy if this is what you are thinking about."

The the hell did that mean? The girl saw the confused expression on the face of the guy that was about five inches taller than her. "But you can call me Phoebe."

"And where are we?" Dean needed to know facts before really getting into a conversation with this Phoebe. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, yes, but she was probably also the reason why he was in that room.

"Oh, that's an easy one, but I'd rather want you find out by yourself." She smiled again. "Where would be the fun if I told you everything?" She turned around and walked a few steps to where she had been lying earlier.

But Dean wasn't amused, and Phoebe knew it. "Aw, come on! I dare you to take one small guess. You win a prize if you get it withing the first three tries."

He had to try then. "Are you some kind of demon?"

Phoebe's head snapped left and looked at Dean, insulted.

"Ouch! That hurts you know!" She turned her head back and let the white bed sheet slide down to her feet. Dean couldn't believe the sight and suddenly felt the air become warmer in the room. If she had the most beautiful face he had ever seen, she did also have the most wonderful god-like body. Dean had to look away instantly and decided to look down at his toes.

Phoebe chuckled. "I know you are liking what you are seeing, Dean."

"And how would you know that?"

Dean looked up again to see Phoebe suddenly all dressed up in a white and red school uniform. She was wearing it all: the white shirt with tartan tie, short tartan skirt that had been made with the same fabric as the tie, the long knee-length white socks and black shinning shoes...

He had to be in some sort of parallel world where all his dreams came true, he thought as the thought brought him on to one conclusion.

"Then you must be some sort of genie."

"Ha!" Phoebe laughed. She took slow paces and walked to him once more. "Humor me, Dean Winchester, but this isn't a porno reality dream. I am not here to realize your wildest dreams." She took both her hands and put them around Dean's neck, gave him a small grin and a wink. "Besides, even with your reputation I am 100 sure that you wouldn't be able to get me in bed."

Dean took the last words as a challenge, but thought he didn't have time to play any games with some kid.

"Is that your third try?" Phoebe was amused by Dean's reaction when he knew she read his mind.

"How did you-?"

Phoebe took her arms off of Dean and pointed all around her. "Dean, where do you think we are?"

She was talking in riddles, and no body on earth hated riddles more than him. "I don't know, some kind of mental institution? 'Cuz I know you'd fit right in with the others."

Phoebe wasn't too happy with his answer, and she became all serious in a flash of a second. "If I were you, I'd take this pretty more seriously than you are right now, Dean."

"And why should I do that?" He crossed his arms over his chest as he asked the question.

"Because I am here to help you get the picture." She mimicked him and gave him an attitude that only Ruby had ever given him before.

"Right, help me... Help with what?"

"To understand why I have brought you inside your head."

Dean took a few seconds to make sure he understood what Phoebe was talking to him about. "We're in my head?"

She smiled. The smile had been a comforting one. "Just think of me as your little Jiminy Cricket. Now, if you would please listen to me, we have work to do."


	8. Chapter 8

Surprises were on the menu as Dean was trying to figure out once again what Phoebe was telling him. Was she really his conscience? Could she really be the little angel and devil on his shoulders like he had seen in so many cartoons as a kid? He looked at the beautiful girl standing right in front of him, only now realizing that she had once again change clothings without him noticing she had. She was now wearing normal low-cut jeans, a dark green leather jacket with a white tee under and high heeled boots.

"What do you mean, you are my 'Jiminey Cricket'?" He knew the Pinocchio reference but didn't dare wanted to look like he did.

"You know what it means, Dean. I know what you think. I know what's going on in your head: that's my job."

"Why me?"

"Everybody has a conscience, even you. But I didn't invite you here for you to ask questions. Like I said, -"

"Yeah, we have work, I got that." Dean didn't want to become frustrated at her, and she knew that. But right now he wanted to know the answers of all the questions he had. "But I need you to just answer that question, then I'll let you talk all you want."

Phoebe sighed. "Because I need to warn you."

"Warn me? About what?"

"About yourself, Dean."

In a flash of a second Dean had Phoebe's jacket collar in his hands, holding her off the ground while holding her on one of the walls.

"Stop playing around with me and tell me what's going on!"

Phoebe laughed at his attempt of threat. "Dean, you are known to the world of hunters and demons as a fearless guy."

Dean frowned at the girl's statement but didn't let go. "So what if I am?" He suddenly felt a rush of pride running through his body. Except for flying he wasn't afraid of anything...

"That's where you are wrong." Phoebe replied at Dean's thought. "You really think that you don't fear anything?"

Dean let go of Phoebe's jacket as her feet got back to touching the floor. She tightened herself up and went on. "Dean, you are not a God. You, like any other humans, hell even the demons, have a fear of something, and I don't just mean planes crashing. I'm talking about the big deal here."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Dean was starting to understand what Phoebe was talking about, but couldn't help but to deny everything.

But Phoebe wasn't impressed by the Winchester's reaction. "So we really need to go one on one with all of this?" She pointed behind Dean at two big red chairs that had appeared out of nowhere. "We should probably sit because this might take a while."

Phoebe was the first sat down as Dean just went with the flow. She crossed her left leg over her right and went on.

"Tell me, how did you feel about meeting with Layla again?"

Dean felt like in a therapy session and couldn't believe he was going all over again with that story. But he also knew he had to answer. "It felt great. It was like I had found an old friend."

"And you did lose her, didn't you?"

Dean's silence proved Phoebe's point.

"Fear of losing your friends."

"I'm not afraid of losing my friends! I don't even have any!"

"Exactly! You just told me she was and now you are denying your friendship with her. You don't want any friends because you don't want to be responsible for their loss. When you first met her you were afraid that you had made the wrong decision about her fate; even when she told you she was alright with it, you still blamed yourself."

Dean's memories of Layla visiting him in his room resurfaced as she had come to tell him it was alright that she didn't have a lot of time left. He bent forward, his elbows on his knees and placed his face into his hands.

"And then there's Lisa and Ben, with whom you could have had a real family." Phoebe went on. "A real normal family where you didn't have to take care of the darkness of the world; your father had wish that for you for so long."

"You don't know nothing about my dad." Dean replied defensively.

"I'm in your head, Dean: I do know everything, even how you feel about him. But that's not my point here."

"Then what is it?"

"You are afraid to commit. You want to love, you want to give love... and before you interrupt me don't you dare say that you love making love, please!" Phoebe pointed out at him, reading his mind one more time. "You are scared to lose the one person you truly love so you rather just let her know live her own life instead of including her in yours."

Dean still denied it, but he did know she was telling the truth. When he had last seen Lisa before his dream and she had invited him to stay, he wanted to say yes so much. I wanted the life she had; he wanted to settle down.

"Which brings me to the third world -"

"Wait," Dean interrupted her as he got up. "I am afraid of prisons and solitary moments?"

Phoebe got up too and her face showed sadness. "No, Dean. This was just to show you that you are scared of guilt."

"What did that prison life have to do with guilt?!" Dean snapped.

"You still blame yourself on your father's death. The fact here, Dean, is that your father has been dead for over a year and a half, and even though you don't want to admit it you still think it's your fault!"

"It's because it IS my fault!"

Dean had taken Phoebe by the shoulders. He was about to crack, he knew that, and the white room seemed to be the right place to do it. But it didn't matter: his dad had died because of him.

"You are afraid of life." Phoebe continued. "You are afraid to live on with what you have left."

For once, he agreed on one of her statement. "Yeah, what I have left... and that's, what? A few months?" He hadn't thought about his deal since he had met with Layla.

"It is not because your life now has an official 'Countdown to Hell' that you have to stop living your fears and pretend that you don't have any."

"That's because your little therapy session is full of crap, and that I know for a fact that I'm not afraid of anything!"

Phoebe took a breath in. She knew she couldn't reason with him, whatever he would say. After all, she was dealing with Dean Winchester, and now knew that only one thing would wake him up from his fantasies.

"So you don't believe me? Alright then... I really didn't wanted to show you what's up next for you but looks like I don't have a choice."

"What are you talking about?"

"There's one element of your life that we haven't talked about yet, and I was just keeping this in case of emergency, but I guess we don't have a choice now do we?" She sighed and took a breath in. "But I am warning you, because this won't be easy on you, but I hope that in the end, you will have learned your lesson."

"But-"

But before Dean could put another word in, Phoebe had snapped her fingers and everything went blank.


	9. Chapter 9

The sound of an alarm clock echoed in Dean's ears as he slowly woke up from what seemed to be the weirdest dream of his life. He hit the alarm clock on the night table several times before he found the 'snooze' button, and grunted when he saw that it was only eight o'clock.

He closed his eyes again, trying to find sleep again but couldn't. He didn't even have enough strenght to look around and see where in the world he was now. All he wanted was to sleep for weeks, but a knock on a door stopped him once again from falling into a new dream. He heard the door slightly creek as someone opened it.

"Dean? Honey, wake up."

When the voice hit his ears he suddenly lost all fatigue he had. He couldn't believe that he had heard it. He felt in the world the djinn had taken him in some time ago, and he knew right away that it was her who had spoken these words."

"Mom?"

Mary Winchester smiled at her son. "Come on, sweetie, you need to get up. Breakfast is ready in the kitchen."

She still had the warming smile as she closed the door behind her. Dean automatically got out of the small twin bed he had lied on and looked around him.

The room was unbelievable. It was small, and wasn't much in other human's eyes but for him, this was all he ever wanted: rock band posters, a big stereo that stood next to a collection of cassettes and Cds of his favorites... it had everything he needed. He looked outside his window to see the amazement of his life. The street, the tree in front of the house, the neighborhood: He was back in Lawrence.

Dean looked on the floor and found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to put on and left the room. He followed the smell of eggs, bacon and pancakes to the kitchen, to find the table ready, his mother pouring orange juice in her glass and someone already sitting at the table, reading a newspaper.

"Morning, son." John Winchester said.

Dean stood in front of the table not believing what he was seeing... His parents, both of them, we're sitting a few feet away from him. He knew deep in his heart that this had to be one of Phoebe's trick, but didn't dare try to prove it otherwise. He was apparently there to find some proof about her being right on his fears but right now his only fear was to wake up and lose his parents once more.

"M-Morning, dad." Dean answered and sat to his father's right and in front of his mother. When was the last time he ever sat with his parents at the kitchen table? All he could remember from when he was four was that he sat in front of the television to eat a meal and not at the table, so maybe they had never even sat all like that before.

"Slept well?" John put the newspaper down to take a look at his son. Dean realized that John's face was looking rather younger than he had remembered it. He was shaved and smiled, which made him a John that Dean could not remember.

"I had a weird dream, but it's alright." Dean took a drink of the orange juice and attacked the pancakes.

"Well, you do need to stop coming in at three in the morning and stop partying after the job like you always do." Stated Mary.

"Job?" Dean asked with his mouth full.

"Yeah. The boys brought you back last night and I was even surprised you could remember where your room was." Mary's smile fainted slightly but winked at Dean as John wasn't looking. His heart had never felt this great in his life.

"Well," John started as he got up from the table. "I need to get to the garage." He bent down and kissed his wife on her left cheek. "I'll meet you guys over there, alright?"

Mary turned her head and kissed John on his lips, which made Dean smile. "We'll see you there."

John looked at his son and smiled. Dean smiled back and John left the house. Mary then got up and started to clean up the kitchen table.

"Where is dad going?" he asked.

Mary placed the dishes in the sink. "To his garage, of course. God, I hope he doesn't work overtime again today..."

The last sentence Mary said had been more for her than for Dean, who still thought something was missing around but didn't know what.

Mary smile at Dean again and left the kitchen to head upstairs. Dean figured out she also needed to get dressed up since she was still in her Pjs and nightcoat for whatever she needed to meet his father for. Dean didn't bother much; he had the best breakfast in the world sitting in front of him and didn't want to let any go to waste.

When his mother came back to the kitchen she was casually clothed and Dean was placing his dishes where Mary had placed the others earlier.

"Don't worry, honey, I'll do that later. You should go get ready for this afternoon."

"What's going on this afternoon?" Dean knew this had to do with meeting with his dad later today.

But Mary was more confused than Dean. "You don't remember?"

Dean frowned. He thought about what should be happening today, but didn't even know today's date.

Mary sighed. "It's Sam's birthday today, and we're all going to celebrate it with him."

Today was May 2nd?

"Dean?" Mary approached her oldest son and placed her hands on his shoulders. The touch had woken him up and made him realized whatever his mother was telling him she was telling the truth. "Please tell me you haven't forgot?"

He thought of Sam. The name he had whispered before Phoebe had appeared in front of him. How in the world did he forgot all about his little brother? The one he had sworn to protect no matter what? The last time he had seen Sam was when he had dropped him at the hotel before meeting Layla, and all of the sudden he had just dissapeared from his mind.

"No, I didn't." he lied. "So where are we meeting him?"

"In the conference room." His mother answered as she pulled away from Dean. "We decorated the whole thing last night so we could get enough space for everyone to come in and get some cake."

"Conference room?"

Mary frowned at her son's question. She couldn't believed he had forgotten after all, and it had saddned her.

"At the hospital."

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I hope you are liking where I'm heading with this! tehe! So that's three chapters in an afternoon, I'm reading for a break. Sorry if my chapters only have around a thousand words, I like writing about the same amount of words per chapters so you don't get one super short and one super long... Just a habit! :)

Reviews are always cool and I'd love to hear what you think about this story! And again, I have to formally welcome Season four!! :D:D:D


	10. Chapter 10

The hospital was only a few minutes away from the house, but the ride to it had seemed like forever for Dean who still had been wondering what had happened to his little brother. His mother hadn't told him more than Sam had been involved in some accident. She had started to cry at the thought of her younger son hurt but Dean had held her in his arms, promising her that everything would be alright, and that he would bring her to the hospital later that day.

Dean had spent the few hours before leaving looking at picture albums and videos he never could imagine being a part of his real life. Pictures of him, Dad and Sammy fishing when he was just about twelve, Christmas pictures with the brothers wearing blue and red pyjamas, graduation pictures and pictures of other school or sports related were on display all around the living room. Dean had apparently taken part in a baseball team while Sam had soccer and school achievement awards as well. Seeing pictures of his younger brother smiling, Dean couldn't help but wonder how in the world he had forgotten about him. He swore to himself that he would never do such a thing, even if it meant finding a cure for Alzheimer, just in case.

Dean and his mother arrived at the hospital in the Impala. Mary had seemed rather quiet and didn't want to start of a conversation with her son. Dean knew she had to be thinking about Sam, which only meant that whatever had happened to him was worst that he first thought.

Dean had already taken out the possibilities of demon presences off the chart. After looking at his father and finding out that his mother was still alive in this world, he knew that somehow his family had never been in contact with any sort of demon. They were a simple family; they just had to be...

"I swear," Mary chuckled as Dean parked the Impala in a parking spot. "If your father doesn't find a more compatible car by July I'm gonna kill him."

Dean had taken the threat rather personal. This had been his most priced possession, and having it in this dream or whatever he was in meant that the car meant a lot to him. "I don't know, mom, but I think she's still good to get around for a few more runs."

Mary frowned at her son's smirk. "'She'? Now your car is a person?"

They both got out and entered the hospital from the emergency. It felt great to have some time with his mother, Dean thought. He had wished, over and over for this and he had it now. The thought of Phoebe's lesson came to Dean and he hoped that this had nothing to do with his mother; she had been through enough in his real world.

They got in the hospital and walked silently towards the elevator, Dean following his mother. As they entered in the elevator Dean heard yet another familiar voice call his name.

"Dean! Mrs. Winchester! Wait for me!"

Dean held off the elevator door and saw a girl with blonde, wavy hair coming in. He couldn't believe his eyes. "Jessica?"

This was the Djinn's world all over again, except for Dad being around this time, Dean though as the beautiful young woman gave him a hug. He wasn't sure about their true relationship with one another but assumed that they did know each other rather well in this world.

"Jessica!" Mary opened up her arms and welcomed the girl into a warm hug. "You didn't have to fly in!"

"Of course I did! It's not every year you turn twenty four and I felt like I needed to be here after not being able to come for so long."

The elevator stopped on the third floor and the three of them got out. Dean, not knowing for a second where he was going, decided to wall behind Jessica and his mother who were catching up on things. Apparently Jessica was still studying at Stanford, which was great news, but as he got closer to his brother's room Dean couldn't help but to wonder what in the world had happened to him. Dean couldn't dare ask; in this world he apparently already knew and he didn't want his mother to worry more. In time he would probably guess and things would be alright, he hoped.

They finally reached room door 327 in the intensive care section of the hospital where Sam's name was tagged. The door was slightly opened and Dean could hear the sound of the television on. In front of the room was the nurses' desk where Mary was talking to a nurse with Jessica at her right.

"We'll be heading to the conference room." His mother told him as the nurse lead the way for her and Jessica. "You can go see him if you wish, but he probably is still sleeping." The nurse, a young dark woman, left followed by the two women and Dean slowly opened Sam's room door.

When he looked at his little brother Dean could not believe what he was seeing. Sam had been bruised up pretty badly, and Dean knew that whatever had hit Sam, it had hit him pretty hard. Though whatever he had seemed had happened a while ago considering his mother not being so worried about Sam anymore, the physical scars were still pretty much all present. From what Dean could see, bruises and swelling around Sam's eyes, scars of stitches on his left arm were just the beginning.

Dean's heart felt pain. Seeing his Sam in that state was more than a shock. He didn't know what to say or to do anymore. It didn't matter who or what had done this to Sammy; Dean just wanted to hold his little brother in his arms and cry his heart out.

As Dean took a few more steps in Sam turned his head to the left in order to see who had come in. He looked up at his older brother and fear suddenly filled up the room. Dean felt it; Sam was afraid of him.

Dean brought his arms up in defence, as if Sam was to throw something at him. "Hey, Sammy. It's me, Dean."

"What are you doing here?" Sam snapped.

"I came to see you. I've missed you, Sammy..."

"Stop... calling me Sammy!" Sam cut off.

Sam was all defensive over his brother. He tried to move on his bed but felt a burning-like pain coming from one of his legs, but as Dean approached him to help him out Sam stretched his right arm and took one of the crutches at the side of his bed and swung at Dean who he just missed by a few centimetres.

"What the hell is the problem with you?!" Dean yelled out. He didn't understand what was happening.

"You are!" Sam simply answered with eyes that screamed sadness. Sam felt pain, not only from his body, but also from inside; his heart, his mind... even his spirit had been broken. Dean knew it, somehow, and needed to tell his brother.

"Just, calm down, please... I don't want to hurt you, Sam." He really wanted to call him like old-time sakes but he did not want to see more anger coming out from the only person in the world that truly understood him.

"You already did, Dean." Sam turned his lower body on the left side of the bed, trying to get out of it, and that's when Dean saw it...

Sam's right leg had been cut off.


	11. Chapter 11

**So yeah I finally managed to get some free time to post this! yay! Sorry about the delay! I do hope that you will enjoy this one! The story approaches its ending, but keep posting comments and giving reviews! I always appreciate them!! :D**

**So I hope you will enjoy this as much as I will enjoy tonight's episode. All my good friends out there know how much I've been anticipating this episode! Squeee!! :D**

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"What... happened to..."

Dean couldn't believe what he saw. Sam, the young brother he loved so, was missing a leg. Sam's eyes were angry, a blind man 500 feet would know and yet, Dean didn't know why. Sam had told him he already had hurt him, could that only mean...

Sam scoffed at his brother. "I'm not surprised."

"What do you mean?" Sam could barely look at him, and Dean felt his heart ripping down to pieces.

Sam's first reflex was to stand up on his left foot but it was then he only realized that he really didn't have that right foot anymore. As he tried to get up Dean tried to get close to help him but Sam pushed him and fell back on his bed.

"I don't need your help!" Sam screamed angrily. Everything in Dean was burning in pain and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Just... please, tell me what is going on." He pleaded.

"Dean," Sam took a deep breath in. He knew that look. He knew his older brother was telling the truth, somehow.

"Please." Dean asked once more. His eyes were slowly filling up with tears, something that usually only happened to Sam. But Dean didn't care. He needed to know what was wrong with his brother, even if that would be the last thing he would ever hear.

"I came home for the holidays." Sam remembered the day like it had happened yesterday. "You decided to go get drunk like you always did; only this time the barkeep wanted you to get a ride home. And of course, I had to go get you."

Dean stood up, his legs shaking terribly. He didn't want to know the rest of the story. He didn't say a word as Sam went on.

"I was almost there, and a car hit me on my side of the car. My leg was stuck so they had to cut it off. Mom and Dad had to managed for the hospital bills and taking time of from their own schedule to come and see me and you never came. You didn't come once in five months, Dean, and now I have to welcome you just like nothing happened because Mom made you come?"

As Sam laid back, Dean stood still, watching his brother swimming in pain. His brother hated him. The only person in the world with who he could be himself now hated him for something he didn't even do. How could things become any worst?

"Sam, I'm sorry."

"Me too, Dean." Sam sighed. "Now could you please do and never come back?"

Never mind… now things could not get any worst.

Dean didn't say another word to his brother. He didn't want to give him anymore pain. He had tears running down his cheeks, he couldn't help himself. As he took the door handle he watched his brother crying his way to sleep. Dean couldn't not believe the hate he had seen in his brother's eyes. He remembered for a quick second that he wasn't in his own reality. Phoebe had done this to him. But the sadness in his heart felt real. The feeling of losing his brother like this would always be real, no matter where he was.

As Dean opened the door and left the room he found himself not in front of the nurse's office, but back again in that white room. Though he had felt like crap not being able to turn around to see Sam one more time, he felt relieved that he wouldn't see his little brother in pain anymore.

"So, you got the point yet?"

Dean looked around him and finally saw Phoebe leaning on one of the corner on his right. She had this painful look in her eyes; Dean felt it too. Maybe because all the sadness he had been through just seconds ago echoed back to her, as he remembered that she was in his head after all…

"Why are you doing this to me?" Dean felt warm tears in his eyes. He wanted to be the tough guy but right now his heart just couldn't handle it.

"You need to know about this, Dean." Phoebe began. She slowly walked to him and wiped the tears on his cheeks away. "Your expiry date is almost due, and yet you try to look unbeatable in front of everybody. But you need to come clear with yours thoughts."

Why did she suddenly talk like Bobby would've? Dean tried to understand the meaning behind what the girl in front of him had said, but the images of Sam in that hospital bed hunted him fiercely.

"He needs to know that you are like any human; that you have fears like everybody."

"He knows it… I mean that kid is a specialist when it comes to touchy feelings. He can sense it a mile away."

"But he can't with you, Dean."

"And why's that?"

"Tell me, how many times have you told him to let you go so far? You keep telling him that everything's fine, that you are alright with dying. You keep telling him that he'll be fine when you know that he will be left alone without a family for the rest of his life and that it is torturing him inside."

"But he left for college before." Dean argued. "He was alone then."

"No, he wasn't, Dean. He had friends, classmates… a girlfriend whom he loved so much. Now he will have nothing, just because he decided to go with you on a hunting trip that came with bad consequences when he got back, that he died and was brought back by the hero he worshipped all his life. And now that hero is leaving him, all alone."

Dean felt an invisible bitch slap on his cheeks. He didn't know what to say. Everything was his fault, he knew it. He was the one who brought Sam back into their crazy world of hunting. He had him killed, and he had never forgotten himself for that. Bringing him back from wherever he had gone to, Dean knew the responsibility he had placed on his shoulders; that he knew his time would come soon. But he also promised his father he would take care of little Sammy; that memory of the night of the fire swimming through his mind. But he was leaving Sam alone; he was sacrificing himself for the life of his little brother, but even through all the acts of bravery, Dean was terrified of Hell and all that would come with it.

"You need to tell him, Dean. That's all you need to do."

She smiled at him and he gave it back. "You know, for a chick that's inside my head, you ain't that bad."

"I'm not a chick inside your head, I just knew you would listen to me more if I'd look like this rather than a man." Her lips were barely touching his, which gave him chills down his spine. "Now, I believe you and your brother have some things to talk about."

A snap of fingers what the last thing Dean heard before every became dark and silent again.


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm already at the end of this one... man did I ever enjoy writing this! I'm sorry it's really short but I'm currently working on a new story (plus the others that I got going on right now!) I hope you still enjoy!!**

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Dean did not know where he was

Dean did not know where he was. All he knew was that he was lying on a bed. He didn't know whose it was or where he was but the bed had a familiar feeling, like he had been on this bed before.

He knew somehow that Phoebe and his dreams or whatever he should be calling them were done. He smirked at the thought of having a girl inside his head, remembering when Sammy was possessed by the same demon that had also possessed a girl named Meg Masters a while ago. He had laughed at his brother, vaguely having some sort of naughty thoughts along the process. But somehow, Phoebe hadn't been the same experience. She had told him that she only appeared as a girl. If that was the case what exactly was she? Dean believed in things he could see, but all that Phoebe was to him was a dream, so how could he believe in her?

A cell phone ring made him open his eyes and that's when he realized that he was back in his hotel room with the red walls. Who in the world thought about having red wallpapers inside a hotel room? He starred up at the ceiling mirror and saw all the surroundings of the room, and felt so grateful that there were actually two queen beds.

"Dean?" Yelled out a voice from where Dean remembered was the bathroom. "Are you going to answer that phone or not?"

A tall figure came out of the door and walked to the table where sat Dean's phone. Sam, who had his bag pack in his hands, trying to zip it up, tried to find the phone under all the empty chip bags and pizza box.

"Dude, I swear, if you don't start picking up your things…" Sam sighed as he found the phone and threw it at Dean who couldn't stop starring at his brother.

The phone landed on the bed right next to Dean who sat up slowly. "Sam? Is that you?"

Sam gave his brother a long worried look. "Are you on drugs or something? I think you should get that call, Dean. I don't think they're going to hang up."

Dean picked up the phone with his right hand and starred at it for a moment. He knew this is where everything happened and he didn't know how to feel. He wanted to have the chance to see Layla again, thought it might not be her on the other end. I needed to see Lisa and Ben alive, to know that they were alright and doing well. He needed to know that besides what he kept thinking it wasn't his fault his father had died. His father was obsessed and Dean knew more than anyone in the world what it felt like to be ready to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. But he knew right now what he needed the most…

As Dean turned off his cell phone, he got up and walked to his little brother, and gave him a pat on his shoulders.

"Dean, why didn't you answer?"

"I'm sorry, Sam."

So unexpected from Dean, thought Sam who was getting more and more worried about his brother. "Dean, what is going on?"

Dean looked up at his brother and took a seat on his bed. "I just had the weirdest dream. But I'm not so sure if it's supposed to mean anything to anyone… well to me at least."

Sam sat down on his bed to Dean's right and listened.

"The thing is, I'm scared, Sam. I truly am. I wanted to hide it, to make demons and other freaking creatures believe that no matter what, I wouldn't be afraid of this. But I am. I'm scared of hell."

Sam was speechless. He didn't know what to answer. The fact that Dean was suddenly getting everything out of his system made him feel so much guilt inside of him. After all, Dean was in this situation because he had gotten killed, so everything was his fault. Sam had wanted to hear this for so long, and how, he wasn't sure he could handle it.

But Sam knew he had to reassure his brother. "It's alright, Dean. I'm here, and I'll do anything that I can to save you."

But what if you can't? Dean asked himself. He wanted to scream that question out loud but knew better and kept it inside instead. He saw in Sammy's eyes that his little brother was ready to do anything. He knew it too. After all, he was a Winchester…

Dean couldn't speak a word. Sam was trying with all his best to cheer his brother up somehow. It was heartbreaking seeing Dean so weak. Both knew that they were another's weaknesses, but they were also each other's strength as well.

"So, what now?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed at the question. The chick flick moment was gone and for once, feeling as reassured as he was, he was sad that it was over.

"We keep on going. Do some more research I guess. We have the Colt in hand, so we should be alright."

Sam nodded. "Alright, so should we be hitting the road then?"

Dean thought about it for a second and got up from his bed. He took all his things he had packed before he past out on the bed. Sam left for the car and Dean took a few seconds to look at the room for an instant.

Maybe she was just a dream, maybe she wasn't. Dean remembered Phoebe's soft face and smiled.

You'll always be in my head... thank you for that.

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**And there you go! Sorry about the lenght, I know :( but I'm trying to work on making my stories longer so I'll see what I can do with that. Thank you so much for reading it means a lot to me!! All my love to you and remember to watch Supernatural Thursday nights!! (They should so hire me to make ads for them!! :D)**

**Lots-O-love!! :D**


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